Prison Women Dating

In the book 'Women Who Love Men Who Kill,' author Sheila Isenberg explores this phenomenon. The book contains countless interviews with women, psychiatrists, lawyers, social workers, prison guards in hopes of shedding light on why women are drawn to men behind bars. The book has been featured on CNN, the Today Show, MSNBC, Good Morning America.

On Friday, the fourth season of the prison drama Orange Is The New Blackwill debut on Netflix. Based on the eponymous memoir by former prison inmate Piper Kerman, the series explores the relationships between a diverse group of inmates at Litchfield Penitentiary in Connecticut, a minimum-security women's prison. It also continuously raises the question: is its depiction of prison life — specifically, same-sex prison relationships — accurate?

Mic caught up with several American women who've spent time behind bars to hear about their experiences with sex behind bars. Here's what they had to say.

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'Everybody fucks around in prison,' 60-year-old Sally* told Mic in a phone interview. 'People have more sex in prison than they do on the street.'

Sally was in and out of jail for most of her life, starting with juvenile hall in 1972 and ending with a few hours in county jail in 2005. A former homeless heroin addict and sex worker, she's been arrested for everything from fraud to weapons possession, and she's spent time behind bars in numerous states, including California, Florida, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York. Since obtaining a college degree in 2002, she's started a program called Way Pass to help former inmates continue their education at San Francisco City College.

Gay prison dating Search Inmate Pen-pal Profiles. Woman A: We were in a monogamous and exclusive relationship while he was incarcerated. Jail was big for me at first, because I didn't know what he was doing or if he was talking to or seeing other women. After I started to visit him, I knew he was the jail and he put my mind to rest. Sometimes women do dumb things and get caught, ending up in prison as a last resort. Sometimes they're guilty as hell and have committed major crimes! But sometimes, although guilty, the crimes aren't violent. Crimes such as using drugs, writing bad checks and forgery, while punishment is in order, don't make these women especially bad people.

Sex and kissing between inmates is illegal, and is technically referred to as a 'low severity prohibited act' regardless of whether it's consensual. Yet Sally said many of the inmates she knew not only had sex with each other, but were also involved in long-term relationships. 'They all hooked up inside, had long-term relationships with other women. Some kept them on the outside,' Sally said. 'I also know women who were gay inside together but just really good friends on the street.'

None of this means that women prisoners are safe from homophobia. Sally said she often saw male guards target openly lesbian women for verbal abuse, punishment and general mistreatment. 'I've seen male guards saying 'you dyke bitch whore' and degrading the gay women,' she said. 'You can get written up for [lesbian sex]. You can get transferred..don't put it in their [guards'] face.'

Maria*, 36, who was convicted of trespassing and possession of a deadly weapon, spent time in a California maximum security prison between 1997 and 1999 when she was just 18 years old. Maria decided to keep her homosexuality a secret behind bars, for fear of abuse from fellow inmates and guards.

'Different prisons in different cities will be different, but I think I was the only lesbian there while I was incarcerated. There's not a high enough population of gay women to be like OITNB. It's completely unrealistic,' Maria told Mic in a phone interview. 'The one thing that's authentic about the show is when the guards shout 'Inmate, no touching!'

She lived with half a dozen women in a room, with just an hour of outdoor time and routine meal breaks. She neither saw nor participated in any sexual activity while incarcerated.

'I felt more comfortable being out in the world than in prison,' Maria said. 'Out in the world you can choose who you hang out with. In prison, God forbid it gets used against you..You never know who's going to be homophobic or violent.'

Sally mentioned women using tricks to hide their sexual activity, such as dropping a sheet over their bunks. But female inmates' experiences varied drastically depending on what kind of prisons they were in. While Orange Is the New Black is set in a minimum security prison, many maximum security prisons allow far less interaction and privacy for inmates.

Chandra Bozelko, the 43-year-old blogger behind the site Prison Diaries, had a very different experience from Piper's in a Connecticut high-security women's prison from 2007 to 2014. Since Connecticut has only one women's prison, York Correctional Facility, it has a mix of cells and dorms, the latter of which look more like the set in OITNB, but more crowded.

Bozelko saw widespread sexual activity between both guards and inmates, although technically even being caught holding hands with another woman could be considered grounds for punishment and solitary confinement. 'I would say there's homophobia,' Bozelko told Mic in a phone interview. 'The guards would say 'That's disgusting' [lesbian romance] and huff at inmate relationships.'

The truth is, much inmate sex has an undercurrent of violence, which isn't depicted on OITNB. 'Some [inmates] beat their wives. There's a lot of domestic violence between female partners,' Sally said. 'I've seen women raped [by other women] but most of the inmate experiences I saw were voluntary. Then they fight and brutalize each other..being incarcerated is a violent environment..it comes with racism and homophobia.'

Bozelko agreed intimate partner violence was commonplace in Connecticut prison romances as well. 'They would beat each other up routinely,' she said. 'No one wants to admit to it because you'll be put in solitary confinement while they investigate, even if you didn't do anything wrong..there's a huge disincentive to report anything.'

Sally considers herself heterosexual and avoided what she refers to as the 'messy' violence of inmate romance in general, but she did have one prison girlfriend named Elsa with whom she developed an intimate, if not explicitly sexual, relationship.

'I did have a sort of girlfriend at one point but we didn't have sex or kiss..we were very physically affectionate, sitting together with our arms around each other, showering together,' Sally recounted. 'We presented as a couple to everybody.'

Sally said they met 'on the inside' and presented themselves as a couple because of the strong bond they shared, not because they feared advances from other women. Their intimate relationship continued through letter-writing even after Sally was released. Elsa was eventually deported to crime-riddled El Salvador, which she had previously told Sally was a dangerous place for her. 'I never heard from her again [after Elsa was deported] and I think if she was still alive I would have,' Sally said. 'We were very good friends.'

Sally's interracial relationship with Elsa was unique in a prison culture dominated by racial tension, a segregated dynamic that is echoed by the strict social hierarchy on OITNB. 'I would like to say there were lots of interracial relationships, but that's not the case,' Sally said. 'There might be hookups but in general the relationships tend to be segregated..but that's not because of the women. It's because of the institution.'

Although different facilities had varying amounts of sexual activity between inmates, there was one dangerous trend all of Sally's prison stays had in common: sexually predatory guards. 'I've seen women develop relationships with guards, marry guards, seen guards force women to have sex,' Sally said. 'It was not unique at all. It happened in every single county jail I was in. Every. Single. One.'

Statistics on prison rape are scattered and often incomplete. But national surveys by the Bureau of Justice have shown inmates in both federal and county facilities report being victimized by staff more often than fellow prisoners. Out of 146 facilities surveyed in 2007, only 6 didn't have reports of sexual misconduct and the top 10 offending facilities had staff with sexual misconduct rates exceeding 10%.

Sally said she herself was raped twice by two different prison guards in different states, decades ago. Testimonies from the recently released women she works with now haven't given her any hope about the system improving. Prison, she said, provides 'a roadmap for victims conditioned to stay silent.'

'Most of the women in prison aren't white,' Sally said. 'Almost every woman I met inside was sexually abused. They've disassociated and they have [mental health] symptoms. They were never on equal footing with a white male. Once you don't have a right to your own body, people can do whatever they want to you and you can't get out.'

Bozelko also saw correctional officers charged with sexual misconduct during her years behind bars. Her roommate was allegedly abused every night by an officer for several months, and several times a year at least one such 'scandal' would stir up controversy. Even the everyday interactions with guards were laden with misogyny.

'The [Orange Is the New Black] character Mendez is ripped right out of every prison. A guard who talks like 'come-on bitches, come-on sluts,' Bozelko said. 'Stuff like 'you're fat, you don't need any more carbs' is very common.'

Bozelko thinks that the policies at her prison discouraged women from reporting abuse. 'Reporting it guarantees you're going in the hole [solitary confinement],' she said. 'The guard is still allowed free rein of the station to influence witnesses and the investigation while she's looked away for an unlimited period of time. That happened a lot while I was in.' She said even if the rapists are put on trial, she's only heard of three officers being punished and they were let off with relatively light sentences.

Both Sally and Maria spoke of feeling powerless, due to dehumanizing policies that strip women inside of their sexual agency. 'Even if at some point you manage to hook up with someone on the inside,' Maria said, 'your physical and mental fortitude are broken down, your standards drop, it probably would be something you regret anyway. There is absolutely not a culture of open sexual expression.'

Women who engage in lesbian sex in prison probably fall somewhere on the bisexuality scale, while others may even consider themselves straight and only be acting 'gay for the stay.' Regardless, their relationships continue despite the prevailing atmosphere of homophobia and sexual violence.

'Anything you do in there, you're never coming from a healthy place,' Sally agreed. 'There are people who get together for protection, but more to me, I've seen a lot of relationships where people gravitate towards each other for companionship. You need love in there.'

*Names have been changed to protect subjects' privacy and allow them to speak openly.

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These inmates are very real and are seeking pen pals! Receiving a letter is the highlight of the day for most prisoners. Just think of how lonely it must feel at mail call to never hear your name being called, especially after being locked up for several years and family and friends have deserted you. These inmates can't wait to hear from you! Don't be shy, give it a try! Make the day of a lonely inmate!

Meet-an-Inmate.com has been helping male and female inmates connect with the outside world since 1998 and is ranked #1 among prison pen pal websites. Meet-An-Inmate connects people like you with inmates from across the United States, and offers an easy way to brighten up an inmates day. It is free to write the inmates. The inmates pay a small fee to be listed.

The inmates listed are convicted felons and caution should be used. Be understanding without being gullible. We recommend and promote using this site to find pen pals for friendships, and not romantic relationships.

Getting Started ( Please read our disclaimer below before writing a prisoner.)

Meet Prison Women

Although Meet-An-Inmate is an Online service, prisoners do not have access to the internet. All correspondence will be via the United States Postal Service, commonly known as snail mail. (note: some inmates now may have access to email/secure messaging services). This site is designed to quickly and easily connect you with inmates whose backgrounds and interests may inspire you to pick up a pen and become pen pals with them.

To start your search for an inmate pen pal, simply click on either the male or female link above. This will open up a page of small photos, listing their name and what state they are from. Click on this photo and their personal ad will open. You can also click on a link on the left of the page to open up a specific age group. It is completely free to write the inmates. When you find a prisoner you would like to correspond with, simply write directly to them using the mailing address listed under the photo in their ad. Address your envelope exactly as shown. Keep in mind that all the information you see is provided by the prisoners themselves. We do not guarantee the accuracy of this information. You can look up basic information on most of these male and female inmates by going to our inmate locator and clicking on the state in which they are listed.
Writing an inmate for the first time can be intimidating at first, we recommend that your first letter be kept short, include a brief description of yourself, your interests and hobbies, and maybe a photo of yourself. This can be a great way to start a conversation.

We ask that you treat these inmates with dignity and respect. They have their own interests, hopes, and dreams. Most of them want to turn their lives around and be more successful when they return to regular life. Let's give them a reason to hope for a better future.

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Benefits of Writing an Inmate

Prison Women Dating

Men and women who are incarcerated can benefit enormously from becoming pen pals with people on the outside. Many inmates have become out of sight, out of mind to their family and friends, offering friendship can be a great way to keep their spirits up and let them know they are not alone. Receiving letters also helps to eliminate the monotony that goes along with being incarcerated and helps time pass more quickly.

Inmates who establish and maintain positive relationships with people outside of prison are less likely to return to prison in the future, also improving the inmates chances of successfully reintegrating into society when released. Becoming prison pen pals is an excellent way to do that. It's amazing how a small amount of communication with the outside world can improve a prisoner's outlook on life. Your letters are sure to remind them that they truly deserve a second chance.

How To Date A Female Prisoner

Male and female prisoners aren't the only ones who benefit from participating with Meet-an-Inmate.com. As a pen pal, you can offer encouragement and motivation for an inmate to make positive changes in his or her life. This can be very rewarding. What greater gift could you give someone than hope?

Sometimes in this busy world, it is nice to find someone who truly cares what you have to say. You may start looking forward to receiving the letters just as much as the inmate does. Finally, locating and communicating with a prison pen pal can benefit society as well. Your efforts could very well be the difference between someone going out and changing their life, or ending up back in prison.

Additional Information

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All institutions have different guidelines as to what an inmate may receive or send through the mail. Never send anything laminated (polaroid photos, etc.), stickers, or money - until you know the rules of a particular institution. For more information, including possible scams, see our F.A.Q. page.

The inmates listed are convicted felons and caution should be used. Be understanding without being gullible. We recommend and promote using this site to find penpals for friendships, and not romantic relationships. We would advise not to write an inmate who ask for money.

Many states you can look up crimes and additional information on the inmates by going to http://meet-an-inmate.com/locator/index.html

We are no longer accepting applications from convicted sex offenders. In some states we do not have access to the information and some sex offfenders may still get listed. If we place the ad and later discover the inmate is a sex offender the ad will be removed with no refund. If an inmate is a sex offender do not place the ad.

Why list an inmate with Meet-An-Inmate.com

We are very customer oriented and we are the top ranked site, which means meet-an-inmate.com gets more visitors than any other inmate penpal site in the world. The more traffic (visitors), the better chance of the inmates acquiring pen pals. We have been the trusted prison penpal site to list inmates for many years. Our success lies with our word of mouth advertising between inmates who have had success using our service. Many inmates get ripped off by using inferior services. Even though we are the best, we can not guarantee 100% success, but you can trust that we will do our very best to produce results.

To list an inmate or send them an application click here.

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Port washington handler dating. DISCLAIMER
We (meet-an-inmate.com) accept no responsibility for the accuracy of any content found within these pages. The appropriate safeguards should be used in communicating with any person(s) that you may meet through this service. By using this service, you agree to not hold us responsible for any costs, liabilities, attorney's fee, or damages that you may incur. The ads placed on my service are written by the inmates and we are only the means by which their ads are published. To use this service, you must be at least 18 years of age.

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